The Great Unknown

I ran forward into the great unknown
with only a fanciful goal in mind
of exotic cars and beautiful girls
my youthful feet flew with limitless joy
energy aplenty carried me far

I looked back to admire my own progress
I had come far but yet not far enough
many other dreams still awaited me
a wife, children and a golden mansion
I still had enough fuel to get me there

I thrust ahead my life's work unceasing
on the way, a cute girl my wife became
and a child, another, soon there were three
four big mouths to feed as I forged ahead
I looked back to see how far I had come

I stumbled face first when sadly I saw
I had not come far from the starting line
my dreams were crushing me with their big weight
the wife, the children dangled from my limbs
I hit the ground hard, but I trudged ahead

I slowly crawled perhaps forward or not
someone to help was not visible now
then I saw a friend, a kind face I knew
he looked back at me then turned away cold
I fell again, harder, my heart betrayed

The world spun around my sad weary head
I looked to my limbs and the weights were gone
my people had fled and I was alone
my mind, my body, they had all transformed
no longer young, not filled with awesome joy

Breathing slow, I lay still wishing for death
when a stranger appeared inside my head
"don't just give up" he said "time still remains"
I looked back and still saw the starting place
"don't look back" he softly spoke "look to me"

He took a step forward and showed me how
to get off the rocky ground and stand again
I lifted my eyes, stepped slowly ahead
"keep your eyes on me and don't turn around...
...we have a ways to go, but not too far"

I stepped forward into the great unknown
like a baby, I teetered, but kept going
then with my old blurry eyes I saw it
the finish line at last and lo a crowd
of people I once knew, cheering me on

They happily yelled "Come on! It's not far!
You can finish it, you've almost done it!"
with gritted teeth and the last ounce of strength
I crossed the line as cheering filled the air
my true friend smiled and hugged me "you did it!"

I turned to the others and had a question
"Where were you when I needed you the most?
You left me to make this hard trip alone
a dead weight to me and cruelty you were
what kind of friends or family do that?"

My only friend said, "turn and now look back"
I looked around and with surprise I saw
the starting line not far away at all
millions of people were on the ground lying
being dragged forward by people on each limb

"You see," said my friend, "you didn't see what was...
...you only saw what you believed you saw"
he pointed at the rocks near each person
they were all the homes, the riches and dreams
obstacles all to finishing the race

"Each one must run this race twice but at once
struggling and unaware of the blessing
to help the others finish the race first
we find our way through the treacherous path
and we cross the finish line together"

I looked at my friend and felt more confused
"When did I help you? It was you who helped
only you picked me up when I was down"
He smiled and said, "But you did what I asked...
...the others watched you and you showed them how"

"You stepped forward into the great unknown
with a goal in mind but not the right one
you fell and you hurt and you felt alone...
...we see not ourselves or the witnesses
If we did, we know the race is never
alone."

By Kevin Lee

Why the Breakfast Club is my favorite John Hughes film

It's no secret I love music and movies from the 80s, and John Hughes is the director who captured all the humor and awkwardness of that time in a way that just grabbed me.  I still identify with the new wave soundtrack and vision of suburban angst that are found in each of his films. They almost feel like they’re part of my personal history; like a well-edited family video - fun but uncomfortable to watch. Do you feel that way too?

Although I like all of his movies, my three favorites have always been The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Sixteen Candles. Of these, the Breakfast Club resonates with me the most because it defined what it’s like to be excluded from the popular crowd – being an outsider. It was also a huge inspiration for me in writing the Ghost in My Pocket.

Can you imagine a real life scenario where you put a spoiled prom queen, a nerd, a jock, a thug and a weirdo together in a Saturday detention? Well yes, you can now because everything is about reality TV, but this was back when MTV and VH1 were still music video channels. The kids were more than mere caricatures and all seemed believable to me because they each felt like a facet of my own still-evolving personality. Each character, regardless of how "popular" they were at Shermer High - and whether they realized it or not - was an outsider.

Judging by his innocent and nerdy appearance, no one could imagine that Brian’s mother pushed him so hard to get straight A’s that he brings a gun to school (we now know all the horrific implications from real life.) While Andrew’s father is so hell-bent on winning and “going-off” on people, that everybody’s favorite athlete - and usually a nice guy - Andrew, has a locker-room meltdown. He ruthlessly bullies one of Brian’s friends, taping his hairy butt-cheeks together, all “for my old man.” Yet they share a perception about parents that is common to many teenagers: Parents give you stress and they don’t understand.

The Breakfast Club    Universal Pictures

Similarly, the pre-grunge, foul-mouthed trouble-maker (think “gang-banger” today) and the spoiled, sushi-eating (unheard of in the 80s) rich girl have seemingly nothing in common. Bender is strangely loyal to his friends (gang,) while looking down on superficial chicks like Claire and dweebs like Brian. In turn, Bender doesn’t even register on Claire’s social radar, and when he does, it is only as a loser (albeit one she is attracted to.) She also looks down on nerds like Brian, only acting nice if she finds them useful for exploitation (writing papers and such.) Yet we see a strange juxtaposition of parental abuse in Bender’s cigarette burn and Claire’s parents filling her life with material objects (diamond earrings and a fully tricked-out sushi lunch set) to make-up for the emptiness that results from their neglect.

And on the fringe of the detention group, the artistic weird girl, Allison, seems to be the outsider’s outsider (i.e. zero friends.) She just doesn’t give a flying frappacino about what anyone thinks. She at least has a pre-goth, pre-vamp-tramp cuteness going for her to offset the lack of personal hygiene, dandruff and off-putting body odor. Not to mention, Claire can quickly transform her into a living American Girl doll, which is exactly in all-American boy, Andrew’s wheelhouse.

I can relate to these misfits, because high school was definitely an awkward time for me too. The notion that the kids who seemed to have it all – the prettiest girl, the smartest guy and the most popular athlete - were insecure like the rest of us, was unthinkable to me at the time.

Decades later, I have found that life continues to turn the tables around and around with no guarantees of happiness for anyone. Regardless of our social standing back in high school, my classmates and I have achieved varying levels of success. For the most part, everyone eventually experiences a time of humbling hardship or painful loss. In spite of life’s often harsh and inevitable turns, each person also grows - gaining some degree of clarity, strength, self-understanding and empathy. Consequently, more of my classmates have become my friends.

Now, I see through the eyes of a parent as my three daughters grow and form friendships in kindergarten, middle school and high school. I can only hope that they too can see the things they share in common with their classmates, rather than the outward differences that divide them.

Perhaps my girls and all the rest of us - whether we see ourselves as Claire the rich girl, Brian the nerd, Andy the jock, Bender the thug, Allison the weirdo or any combination of the above – we can agree that we’re all just outsiders.

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The Ghost in My Pocket

“Wendy went crazy … she started talking to someone, or herself … I'm not sure … it was really weird and scary. I think she's possessed.”

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New Novel About Childhood Grief

"...disappearing forever was no joke to me. After all, that is exactly what I expected would happen in the attic of a haunted, scary-clown house."

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This book is about a child trying to deal with the stress of a sick/dying parent, while navigating the new emotions and feelings about self-image, friendships and love in the sixth grade.

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"It suddenly occurred to me that I had been gesticulating wildly with my hands and speaking way too loudly. It also dawned on me that we were no longer alone in the bathroom. I turned and looked to the floor where I saw a pair of feet just outside the closed door of our stall. I was dead silent."

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“Maybe you're just a genie or something?”

I was really hoping she was a genie, because genies were much less scary than ghosts.


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